I'm going to take a moment to address an issue that I [suddenly and surprisingly] feel like addressing: Justin Bieber.
If the pure sight of his name makes you violently ill, feel free to go, I'll see you again on Day 21 [hopefully]. But if you are intrigued, please, take a seat.
Point one: I have not been infected by Bieber fever, I promise you that. [I actually hate the phrase "Bieber Fever." My apologies to Bieber families who's last name has been turned into a disease.] Unlike many Bieberians, I have no desire to hunt down, kidnap, and chain the poor boy in my basement. I do not swoon at the sound of his voice. I can count the number of Bieber YouTube videos I have seen on one hand [maybe two]. I do not sigh when he flips his hair [or cry when he cuts it]. I don't even particularly like his music.
HOWEVER [Here comes point two, this is the important part.]
Point two: [You're excited, aren't you?] I respect Justin Bieber. I respect his compassion for his fans [despite their overwhelming stalker tendencies.] I respect his love for music. I respect his drive and hard work. I respect his musical talent. I respect [maybe even envy] his dancing talent as well. I respect that he has maintained a sense of humility throughout his rise to fame. I respect his enormous contributions to the Haiti and Japan relief effort. I respect that he just tweeted about his mother's birthday. I respect Justin Bieber, because he is a superstar, without controversy, without addiction, and without an ego the size of Texas. He's a good kid. So, I implore you to back the hell off of Justin Bieber.
So, you, who take shots at the poor kid, stop. Justin Bieber does not look like a lesbian. He is not gay. He is not a loser or a fag. He is not a woman or transgender. [a) You need to find yourself a better set of insults. b) You need to consider the fact that almost any woman under the age of 25 on the planet will sleep with him. Good luck working that out for yourself.] Yes, he has a high voice, but you know what? So does Justin Timberlake and Chris Martin [from Coldplay] and James Blunt and Michael Jackson and Timothy Schmit [from the Eagles] and Wayne Newton [and others, but I'm getting bored].
I like Justin Bieber because he is talented and passionate. I will never be a Belieber [or any other variety of Bieber pun the media can come up with], but I respect him. So, here's to little boys who wish upon a star, men who work hard, and once in a lifetime opportunities that make dreams come true. Never say never, followers. *
