Surprise Post about Nothing!

Greetings neglected followers!

I have not posted for months, largely because the rest of the 30 Day Song Challenge bores me. So tonight I am going to post a little about me, because that has been what I've been thinking about a lot lately. I'm sorry if you don't care. Nobody really reads this anyway, and I do care about me. So there.

This year, I have been continually amazed by how much I have changed. So much that every once in a while it scares me. I discovered about a week ago that I have dimples. Not profound, takes-up-my-entire-face, Mario Lopez dimples, but dimples nonetheless. It scared the shit out of me! I had to ask a good friend from home if I'd ever had dimples before. I then proceeded to creep on myself to find out exactly when said dimples had developed. What kind of person gets older and all the sudden has dimples?

Even more alarming, somewhere during my college experience, I became a relatively laid-back person. In high school, I would never have described myself as relaxed in any sense of the word. I freaked out about little things. I redid an entire poster at 2:00 am because I was worried about how the boxes were laid out. I didn't speak to people I'd known for years because I assumed they wouldn't know who I was. I was overly critical, overly cautious and high strung, and I suppose to some extent I still am.

But somehow, two years later, I have fallen into an entirely different wavelength. Suddenly, all the urgency is gone. All of the anal retentiveness and stress of high school has melted into this right-brained, relatively fluid, college lifestyle. I couldn't tell you when it happened. But suddenly I find organization difficult and imagination instinctual. Maybe the absence of calculus in my life formed a black hole for all linear thinking leaving only loop-de-loops and color splotches. Which is mildly terrifying! To go from having a direct plan to having nothing is very scary.

But it is also very freeing. I've learned how to organize my school life to allow for fun and relationships, something I missed the boat on in high school. I've learned how to take embarrassment and failure in stride. God knows there has been and will be plenty of it. Somewhere along the way I have found comedy in my oddities.

Everyone tells you that college is the place where teenagers learn to be adults, to find themselves and their futures, but no 18-year-old high school graduate takes that seriously. It has taken me until my 20th birthday to think about the phase of life that I am living in. And to imagine that in two years I will be expected to be a real person, with bills and a job and a car and insurance and terrible things like that, is really scary to my amorphous, half-developed brain.

But, hey, I suppose that is what the next two years are for.  So, I will procrastinate reality for another night, and continue playing silly internet games until 4:00 am when I will consider going to bed.  But probably won't. Good night, readers. If you're reading this, you are either intensely bored or delirious from lack of sleep. I apologize for my night time ramblings, at least it is another post.